This is what we have in mind...
Here's hoping all those squats have paid off. ;)
Love the one you're with. XO
Friday, May 24, 2013
23 June 2013
This is going to be one interesting day. I'm having my pictures professionally taken by Kandise Brown (www.kandisebrown.com) and I am super excited. I've been working my butt off since February and I'm ready to show it off...well...to myself. HAHA I want to have something to look back on and be able to say, holy shit, for almost...well...that age, I was a freakin' fox. HAHA
This is what we have in mind...
This is what we have in mind...
Thursday, May 23, 2013
12 Things Happy People Do Differently
#7 - Learn to forgive...
On me forever. I look at it every day. Changes my view of many situations.
Love the one you're with. XO
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
What a rush...
...of emotions.
My friend has been posting about Return to Zero. I finally watched the video and read the story. This is the mission statement so it will best tell you what the movie is about...
I am more than on the road to healing. I have to be. One can't dwell. I certainly think about it a lot. Every day. She represents so much. So much of what was, what could have been, what is now. I have no doubt everything happens for a reason. The time was not right for her. As my medium friend told me on two occasions, my baby girl chose me, she chose me as her temporary dwelling on this earth. It was meant to be for a short time. She was lent to me and I to her. All I could take away from that is...honor...honored to have been her Mom for even just the short while. She was loved from the moment I saw that little "+" sign on the test. She is still loved today even though my arms never held her here in the physical world.
My medium friend also told me she would be with me as a dragonfly. She was with me while I was away in Ontario on training for the summer last year. Dragonflies were showing up in the most unusual places. Following me. One even came into our shacks one night, hovered above my head and then went to my room. Of the ten rooms in the shacks she went there. She was there in the morning to greet me after my shower. She walked onto my hand. I carried her, hand wide open, down six flights of stairs, through the common room and outside. I held my hand to the sky and she flew away... Coincidence, I'd rather say not. I'd rather say she was there visiting me when I needed it the most. When I was away from my little girlie, my family, my friends.
So I'm re-reading this now. Getting set to hit publish. Trying to assess how I feel in this moment. Of course there is sadness. My girlie would love a sister. She would have made a fabulous big sister. No extra little person to hold and snuggle and love. But I also feel peace. My peace comes from knowing that everything happens as it should and I will never, ever be given more than I can handle. I feel that I want to share this. Even if just one person can relate. Can say, "That's how I feel." Even though this is very, very common, at the time you feel like you are the only person in the world feeling this deep, deep sense of loss.
Feel the feelings. Never apologize for the tears that come on milestone days. Or on just any day at all. Just because your little bug never came into the physical world, he or she was in your world. A part of you. That little part that will never be replaced.
XO
My friend has been posting about Return to Zero. I finally watched the video and read the story. This is the mission statement so it will best tell you what the movie is about...
"While this film is intended for a wide-release to audiences regardless of their life experience, RETURN TO ZERO fills a particular niche for a market that has gone unserved -- those who have or know someone who has experienced the devastating loss of stillbirth, miscarriage, or neonatal death.
The statistics on stillbirth, which is the loss of a child after 20th week of pregnancy, are remarkable. In the U.S. alone there are approximately 36,000 stillbirths a year. That is equivalent to the amount of people who die in traffic accidents across this country every year. Yet, this topic has never been the central theme of a feature film.
The impact that one stillbirth has on the mother, the father, their family, and friends is devastating -- a shock-wave of pain, guilt and then, too often, silence. The majority of those affected, especially the mothers, suffer in this silence often believing that their grief and trauma is theirs to bear alone.
While planning to entertain and enlighten all audiences with a dramatic tale of the strength and resilience of the human spirit, RETURN TO ZERO intends to break through the silence and become a beacon of cinematic light to the millions in search of answers, understanding and healing."
http://returntozerothemovie.com/index.php
There were a words that jumped off the page at me.
Devastating loss.
Impact.
Pain, guilt, and then too often, silence.
Grief and trauma is theirs to bear alone.
Healing.
I could never imagine losing a child after 20 weeks. I just can't...
My loss was at eight weeks. One week after I saw my little bug wiggling around and heard the heart beat. Her heart beat.
I won't get into the details of my loss. I can tell you I was alone. Physically and emotionally. Well, with the exception of a busy two year old running around, oblivious to what Mommy was experiencing. But the Father, he was working and chose to continue to work...I think the thought of all of it falling apart, the relationship and now this, was too much for him. Looking back now, he did the best he could at the time. I forgive him.
I made my way to the hospital. Nanny keeping the little busy one at home. The impact of the situation struck me when the nurse was being flippant with the little bag I had brought in. I yelled at her. Frankly, I lost it. She peered inside. Her facial expression changed. She apologized profusely and I was whisked away.
It's been five years, two months and three days. I still feel the pain. A physical pain. A hurt in my body. I still feel an incredible amount of guilt. It was a stressful time. I felt responsible for not working harder to control my stress levels and all that was going on around me. I know it was nothing to do with me. It was something else. Beyond my control. But the feelings are still there. Part of being a Mom I think.
Alone. Hummmmmm. I'm not sure why we do that to ourselves. Why we don't share more often. I do talk about it more and more. Especially since getting a tattoo in her memory. It's an avenue to start the conversation. I have many friends who have experienced this same loss. I hope that as this movie makes it's way through social media, we will share. There will be less silence.
"There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you." - Maya Angelou
The statistics on stillbirth, which is the loss of a child after 20th week of pregnancy, are remarkable. In the U.S. alone there are approximately 36,000 stillbirths a year. That is equivalent to the amount of people who die in traffic accidents across this country every year. Yet, this topic has never been the central theme of a feature film.
The impact that one stillbirth has on the mother, the father, their family, and friends is devastating -- a shock-wave of pain, guilt and then, too often, silence. The majority of those affected, especially the mothers, suffer in this silence often believing that their grief and trauma is theirs to bear alone.
While planning to entertain and enlighten all audiences with a dramatic tale of the strength and resilience of the human spirit, RETURN TO ZERO intends to break through the silence and become a beacon of cinematic light to the millions in search of answers, understanding and healing."
http://returntozerothemovie.com/index.php
There were a words that jumped off the page at me.
Devastating loss.
Impact.
Pain, guilt, and then too often, silence.
Grief and trauma is theirs to bear alone.
Healing.
I could never imagine losing a child after 20 weeks. I just can't...
My loss was at eight weeks. One week after I saw my little bug wiggling around and heard the heart beat. Her heart beat.
I won't get into the details of my loss. I can tell you I was alone. Physically and emotionally. Well, with the exception of a busy two year old running around, oblivious to what Mommy was experiencing. But the Father, he was working and chose to continue to work...I think the thought of all of it falling apart, the relationship and now this, was too much for him. Looking back now, he did the best he could at the time. I forgive him.
I made my way to the hospital. Nanny keeping the little busy one at home. The impact of the situation struck me when the nurse was being flippant with the little bag I had brought in. I yelled at her. Frankly, I lost it. She peered inside. Her facial expression changed. She apologized profusely and I was whisked away.
It's been five years, two months and three days. I still feel the pain. A physical pain. A hurt in my body. I still feel an incredible amount of guilt. It was a stressful time. I felt responsible for not working harder to control my stress levels and all that was going on around me. I know it was nothing to do with me. It was something else. Beyond my control. But the feelings are still there. Part of being a Mom I think.
Alone. Hummmmmm. I'm not sure why we do that to ourselves. Why we don't share more often. I do talk about it more and more. Especially since getting a tattoo in her memory. It's an avenue to start the conversation. I have many friends who have experienced this same loss. I hope that as this movie makes it's way through social media, we will share. There will be less silence.
"There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you." - Maya Angelou
I am more than on the road to healing. I have to be. One can't dwell. I certainly think about it a lot. Every day. She represents so much. So much of what was, what could have been, what is now. I have no doubt everything happens for a reason. The time was not right for her. As my medium friend told me on two occasions, my baby girl chose me, she chose me as her temporary dwelling on this earth. It was meant to be for a short time. She was lent to me and I to her. All I could take away from that is...honor...honored to have been her Mom for even just the short while. She was loved from the moment I saw that little "+" sign on the test. She is still loved today even though my arms never held her here in the physical world.
My medium friend also told me she would be with me as a dragonfly. She was with me while I was away in Ontario on training for the summer last year. Dragonflies were showing up in the most unusual places. Following me. One even came into our shacks one night, hovered above my head and then went to my room. Of the ten rooms in the shacks she went there. She was there in the morning to greet me after my shower. She walked onto my hand. I carried her, hand wide open, down six flights of stairs, through the common room and outside. I held my hand to the sky and she flew away... Coincidence, I'd rather say not. I'd rather say she was there visiting me when I needed it the most. When I was away from my little girlie, my family, my friends.
So I'm re-reading this now. Getting set to hit publish. Trying to assess how I feel in this moment. Of course there is sadness. My girlie would love a sister. She would have made a fabulous big sister. No extra little person to hold and snuggle and love. But I also feel peace. My peace comes from knowing that everything happens as it should and I will never, ever be given more than I can handle. I feel that I want to share this. Even if just one person can relate. Can say, "That's how I feel." Even though this is very, very common, at the time you feel like you are the only person in the world feeling this deep, deep sense of loss.
Feel the feelings. Never apologize for the tears that come on milestone days. Or on just any day at all. Just because your little bug never came into the physical world, he or she was in your world. A part of you. That little part that will never be replaced.
XO
Filling up my soul...and doing a little running
I'm getting a little excited for yet another adventure. I'm going to be a Sole Sister. 5Km run. Complete with a hug station (Halifax firefighters, yes please).
I mean check out this route...
It's not so much about the running as it is just being with the girls, all 1500 of them. HAHA It's going to be a great time. I'm heading to Hali with three other lovely ladies bright and early on race day. We plan to take in the information sessions, do a little shopping, obviously do the 5Km and then dance our pants off at the after party.
Can't wait to chill with my Sole Sisters.
Love the one you're with. XO
I mean check out this route...
It's not so much about the running as it is just being with the girls, all 1500 of them. HAHA It's going to be a great time. I'm heading to Hali with three other lovely ladies bright and early on race day. We plan to take in the information sessions, do a little shopping, obviously do the 5Km and then dance our pants off at the after party.
Can't wait to chill with my Sole Sisters.
Love the one you're with. XO
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Human Touch
I've been having a bitch of a time lately. I have my best girls to chat with about it but it's either on the phone or via email or text. The other day, I popped by the office of one of my besties. We chatted. I vented a wee bit and on with the day I intended to go. On the way out she gave me a little pat on the back. The nice kind. The kind that meant "I have your back Chiquita." I needed that. Made the whole afternoon better. I must tell her that....
Never underestimate the power of human touch. A pat on the back. A hug. A touch to the hand or arm. It can make a world of difference to someone that's feeling a world of hurt.
Love the one you're with. XO
Monday, May 20, 2013
Last year - Boobies
I took at look at what my blog post was this time last year, it was this....
http://authenticlifeinslowmotion.blogspot.ca/2012/05/one-of-dangers.html
And go figure, this weekend I bought new bras. They were smaller. I also bought new drawers, they were bigger. I'll thank squats for that.
Ah, how the body changes...
All good. It's all good. :)
Love the one you're with. XO
http://authenticlifeinslowmotion.blogspot.ca/2012/05/one-of-dangers.html
And go figure, this weekend I bought new bras. They were smaller. I also bought new drawers, they were bigger. I'll thank squats for that.
Ah, how the body changes...
All good. It's all good. :)
Love the one you're with. XO
How long it's been since I've been gone
Hi,
I wasn't sure how long it's been since I've been gone. It's been a while. I tend to write here in fits and spurts depending on what's going on in my crazy life. Crazy it has been. I could write about 101 things tonight. One of those nights when my mind is swirling. BUT, it keeps coming back. To one spot. Me.
Me.
Hard to speak directly about myself. Yes, I wear my heart on my sleeve so it's not hard to tell what is on my mind. Surprisingly, however, just a skim of what is brewing is revealed most of the time. Shocking! I know! ;)
So back to me. I've been faced with a really hard decision recently. I am still in the midst of deciding actually so each day my mind rumbles away pondering all the pros and cons of a particular situation. Today I have come one more step. Me.
Sometimes it feels selfish to put one first. Especially when I am a woman. A mom. A civil servant by profession. A server of my country. Serve. Serve. Serve. You. You. You. Maybe me if I have some time and/or energy.
Today, my step. I'm first. I'm going to continue to grow my mind and my body. I'm going to get to a yoga class a week (hopefully more but we'll go with this for now). I'm going to keep giving it at the gym and maybe step it up and get some professional guidance to kick my ass in gear. I'm going to take my Reiki Level II in July. I'm going to a meditation open house this week. I want to get back in that zone. :)
I have some milestones in mind. I'm sticking with them. I'm determined to make this work...for me.
My road is a happy one.
Love the one you're with. XO
I wasn't sure how long it's been since I've been gone. It's been a while. I tend to write here in fits and spurts depending on what's going on in my crazy life. Crazy it has been. I could write about 101 things tonight. One of those nights when my mind is swirling. BUT, it keeps coming back. To one spot. Me.
Me.
Hard to speak directly about myself. Yes, I wear my heart on my sleeve so it's not hard to tell what is on my mind. Surprisingly, however, just a skim of what is brewing is revealed most of the time. Shocking! I know! ;)
So back to me. I've been faced with a really hard decision recently. I am still in the midst of deciding actually so each day my mind rumbles away pondering all the pros and cons of a particular situation. Today I have come one more step. Me.
Sometimes it feels selfish to put one first. Especially when I am a woman. A mom. A civil servant by profession. A server of my country. Serve. Serve. Serve. You. You. You. Maybe me if I have some time and/or energy.
Today, my step. I'm first. I'm going to continue to grow my mind and my body. I'm going to get to a yoga class a week (hopefully more but we'll go with this for now). I'm going to keep giving it at the gym and maybe step it up and get some professional guidance to kick my ass in gear. I'm going to take my Reiki Level II in July. I'm going to a meditation open house this week. I want to get back in that zone. :)
I have some milestones in mind. I'm sticking with them. I'm determined to make this work...for me.
My road is a happy one.
Love the one you're with. XO
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