Wide awake

I love music.  As I have said before, it is my saving grace.  Particularly loving this song right now.  Thanks Katy Perry.  :)

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
I'm wide awake
How did I read the stars so wrong?
I'm wide awake
And now it's clear to me
That everything you see
Ain't always what it seems
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long

[Pre-Chorus]
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
'Til I woke up on
On the concrete
[Chorus]
Falling from cloud 9
Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight
Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9

I'm wide awake
Not losing any sleep
I picked up every piece
And landed on my feet
I'm wide awake
Need nothing to complete myself, no
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I am born again
Out of the lion's den
I don't have to pretend
And it's too late
The story's over now, the end

[Pre-Chorus]
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
'Til I woke up on
On the concrete

[Chorus]
Falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue)
I'm crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)
I'm falling from cloud 9

I'm wide awake
Thunder rumbling
Castles crumbling
I'm wide awake
I am trying to hold on
I'm wide awake
God knows that I tried
Seeing the bright side
I'm wide awake
But I'm not blind anymore...

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake

[Chorus]
Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue)
I'm crashing from the high
You know I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)
I'm falling from cloud 9

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake

No explanatin required...

I don't think I need to say anything here.....

Good time to clean out the closet.

As I mentioned yesterday, September is renewal time for me.  Time for me to clean out my "me closet".  That applies to the people in my life too.  We meet lots of people throughout our lives and they become part of our lives by choice and by chance.  We bring something to the table and we hope they will too.  It's all about the give and take.  There needs to be a balance.  When it's all take...well...hard choices have to be made.  The fact of the matter is, if we hang on for dear life to something that isn't healthy for us or for them we aren't being loyal; we're being anserine.  Duncical.  Gaumless.  Yup, stupid.  You can see where this is going.  Good time to clean out the closet.

Love the one you're with.

September

I love September but boy it's always been a testing time for me.

It was in September I had to chose between rent or food.  I chose food.

It was in September my ex decided he was going to spend the weekend with his parents to sort some things out in his own mind.  He never came back.

It was in September that my second child was to come into the world.  Fate would have it, she was not meant to be.

It was in September when a stranger decided they wanted to end their life.

I love September and boy it has been a learning time for me.

I learned that when the tough got tough I could do it.  I learned that I had wonderful friends who would see me through to the end of my rough stretch.

I learned that I was strong and capable.  I learned that I would not be broken.  I learned that I could pick myself up and carry on.

I learned that I was resilient.  I learned that my faith would truly carry me through one of the hardest times of my life.  I learned to trust that everything happens for a reason.  I learned that I would never, ever be given more than I could handle.


I learned that there is never such thing as coincidence.  I learned that I am put where I am supposed to be right when I'm supposed to be there.  I learned that I have emotional strength I never dreamed I had.  I learned to speak with my heart.  I learned that there is much to learn in every situation.  I learned to believe in angels because I met one that day.

September is a time for renewal.  Heck with New Year's resolutions.  I make September resolutions.  I'm kind of like the leaves.  I'm getting set to turn in.  To get rid of the old, the weak and the worn.  I'm re-energizing.  Setting new goals.  Opening my mind to new possibilities.  Meditating on where I want to be when spring comes.  When there is new life...new life in me.

Love the one you're with. 

Be alright

Life can be strange
Moving fast 
Through the light
Eyes closed tight

Then winding
Turning
Over
And through

A maze with periods of darkness
Feeling our way
Eyes now wide open
Straining
Feeling - with our hands and our hearts

Sweet reprieve
A hand on our shoulder
Arms tight in an embrace
Hanging on
Trusting
Knowing everything will be alright

Evolution of sorts

Boy, it's been a while since I graced my fans with an appearance.  Soooooo kidding.  Seriously, it has been a while since I felt inclined to put fingers to the computer keyboard.  Guess I haven't felt overly inspired.  I've felt content in my place in the world.  And I still do, however, my place in the world has shifted slightly over the past two months.  Where I'm usually a mom, partner, daughter, friend, co-worker; I have been a course mate, roommate, maybe a friend.  I have been living with people who were once strangers.  We quickly become family, with all the good and bad aspects.

Having a degree in psychology and sociology always makes these situations interesting. :)  Sometimes it's funny interesting.  Sometimes it's angry interesting.  Sometimes it's frustrating interesting.  Sometimes it's upsetting interesting.  The common denominator is its always interesting.  For me, it's interesting how I react to all the scenarios; all the challenges, the dynamics.  I am always game to learn about myself.  I will forever be a work in progress.

We are all a work in progress.  Sometimes people forget that.  They go looking for perfection in themselves and in others.  There is no perfection.  There never will be.  You will be sorely disappointed if you go looking for it in yourself and you certainly shouldn’t rely on finding it in others.  What others will do is act as a conduit to discovery.  I know that sounds a bit gay but it’s the truth.  I have no doubt in my mind; every person that has come into my life has been to teach me something about myself.  To teach me what I want and what I need out of life and more importantly to teach me what I don’t want or need.

It's hard to be on the receiving end of someone's discovery session.  But remember as they are evolving and working through this crazy little thing called life, so are you.  There is never a bad experience.  There are unfortunate situations that don't always end the way we want them to but they're not bad.  They are only bad if we choose to take nothing from them.  I used to choose to take the latter root.  Always thinking I was dealt the shitty hand then I had a revolution one day.  Actually, I had a really great person give me a wake-up call and I consciously chose to see things differently.  I felt and still feel so strongly about it, I got the word "Forgive" tattooed on my wrist.  I look at that every day and think of the shit I have been through.  Then I think of those I have forgiven and those who have forgiven me and I am grateful.  Without them I would never feel as blessed as I do.  I would never have evolved into the person I am today.

There are lessons in everything.  Always.

Love the one you're with.