On to Plan Z

I'm slowly, but surely learning that when a door closes, it's closed.  I don't need to throw my body against it, pull on the doorknob, exhaust myself trying to get in...or out.  I need to accept it.  Accept that the door is closed.  It's time to move on.  It means that it was not the right path for me.  On to plan B or F or Z.  Not a big deal.  Just move on.  Go to the next open door.  And be grateful.  Grateful for another chance.  Grateful for a new journey.

I have my own asshole

I think I’m getting old.  My tolerance level for certain things is really diminishing.

Mean people – they actually make me a little angry.  I don’t understand why people have to be they way they are sometimes.  I mean I do understand…inferiority complex, low self esteem, jealousy…blah, blah, blah.  That can all make people do and say mean things by times…I suppose.  Guess I’m just to the point in my life now that we should be damn lucky.

Getting things that are not earned.  Many folks work very hard and just never seem to get ahead.  And then you get Miss. Betty-Talk- A-Lot who is under-qualified, un-deserving getting a shot at everything that’s going.  I don’t know if that happens because people don’t want to deal with those types of people or what the case may be but I see it more and more and it’s frankly, annoying.  Let the person who works hard, is dedicated, honest, loyal and qualified get a kick at the can for once.

Two-faced people who talk behind people’s back to get ahead.  I guess this would count as two things.  Two-faced is just a big no-no.  Doesn’t mean you have to be rude to someone you don’t like but for gawd’s sakes, don’t go and hang out with them like you’re sisters-from-another-mother and then trash them the minute they walk away.  That is so uncool!!  That person trusts you and trusts that you have their best interest in mind, hence the “friendship.”  When you talk about them behind their backs, especially to get ahead, lame-O!!

Being someone you’re not to…well…for whatever reason you do that.  Just be you.  If you have to switch up how you dress, how you speak, what you do…when you have to change the essence of you…why?  Why would you want  to be around people who make you feel you have to do that?

I guess I’m just one who calls it like I see it; with myself and with others.  I expect transparency.  I expect to be able to trust people.  I expect that people will be kind to one another unless it’s really warranted (i.e. I’ll never be nice to someone who abuses children or animals).  I expect people to get ahead based on merit, qualifications, hard work.  I expect when I tell you something, you damn well better keep it to yourself.  I expect you to expect the same of me and if I screw up, you better tell me.

I’m seeing things in people I don’t like.  Seems like I’m seeing that a lot more lately.  Maybe I’m just more critical than normal.  Likely just getting old.  I’m okay with that.  I’m also going to be okay with removing myself from situations where people are assholes.  I have my own asshole.  I don’t need anymore.

Grateful

I felt inspired to put some words down. Maybe it's more like driven.

I'm tired of unnecessarily unhappy people. Yes, there are folks who have a real reason, a right almost, to be unhappy.  If they've experienced a grave loss, a serious illness, a genuine depression, then yes! They have the right to be unhappy. These people who are just unhappy because they feel "the world has just been bad to them" you know what, screw off. We are all where we are because of choices we make. Yes, we can be blindsided with some real shitty situations but at the end of the day, we have the choice as to how we will respond. If we respond in a way that makes things worse, you know what, we all have the capability of either backing it up and changing our route or making the decision to plow ahead to new ground. We are never FORCED to be someone, somewhere, with something that we don't want. If you don't like something, change it. It really is that simple. If you have the drive and the will, you can do it.

With this comes being grateful. People really have to start being a little more grateful for what they have.

Did you wake up this morning? Good.
Do you and your family have your health? Good.
Did you have food in the refrigerator tonight when you wanted a snack? Good.
Will you put your head down on a soft pillow in a warm bed? Good.
Are you gainfully employed? Good.
Do you have someone who loves you? Good.
Do you have a car or means to get where you need to go? Good.
Do you have a partner who tries their best to give you what you need? Good.
Do you have kids who aren't into drugs, aren't knocked up, don't steal, don't cut people up and put them in recycle bins? Good.

You know what, right there is a pretty damn good list. And I could add lots more to it. I'm sure you could too. We have SO very much to be thankful for. Stop bitching about the small stuff. Be responsible for your actions. Live with integrity. Live with kindness. Live with love. It will take you a hell of a lot further than all your bitching and moaning. We attract what we are. Keep being a negative mess and you will draw the negative mess right to your front door.

I'm now getting off my soapbox. For now. I hope this provoked something in your mind.

As always, love the one your with. And maybe be grateful for them while you're at it.

Wide awake

I love music.  As I have said before, it is my saving grace.  Particularly loving this song right now.  Thanks Katy Perry.  :)

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
I'm wide awake
How did I read the stars so wrong?
I'm wide awake
And now it's clear to me
That everything you see
Ain't always what it seems
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long

[Pre-Chorus]
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
'Til I woke up on
On the concrete
[Chorus]
Falling from cloud 9
Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight
Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9

I'm wide awake
Not losing any sleep
I picked up every piece
And landed on my feet
I'm wide awake
Need nothing to complete myself, no
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I am born again
Out of the lion's den
I don't have to pretend
And it's too late
The story's over now, the end

[Pre-Chorus]
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
'Til I woke up on
On the concrete

[Chorus]
Falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue)
I'm crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)
I'm falling from cloud 9

I'm wide awake
Thunder rumbling
Castles crumbling
I'm wide awake
I am trying to hold on
I'm wide awake
God knows that I tried
Seeing the bright side
I'm wide awake
But I'm not blind anymore...

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake

[Chorus]
Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue)
I'm crashing from the high
You know I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)
I'm falling from cloud 9

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake

No explanatin required...

I don't think I need to say anything here.....

Good time to clean out the closet.

As I mentioned yesterday, September is renewal time for me.  Time for me to clean out my "me closet".  That applies to the people in my life too.  We meet lots of people throughout our lives and they become part of our lives by choice and by chance.  We bring something to the table and we hope they will too.  It's all about the give and take.  There needs to be a balance.  When it's all take...well...hard choices have to be made.  The fact of the matter is, if we hang on for dear life to something that isn't healthy for us or for them we aren't being loyal; we're being anserine.  Duncical.  Gaumless.  Yup, stupid.  You can see where this is going.  Good time to clean out the closet.

Love the one you're with.

September

I love September but boy it's always been a testing time for me.

It was in September I had to chose between rent or food.  I chose food.

It was in September my ex decided he was going to spend the weekend with his parents to sort some things out in his own mind.  He never came back.

It was in September that my second child was to come into the world.  Fate would have it, she was not meant to be.

It was in September when a stranger decided they wanted to end their life.

I love September and boy it has been a learning time for me.

I learned that when the tough got tough I could do it.  I learned that I had wonderful friends who would see me through to the end of my rough stretch.

I learned that I was strong and capable.  I learned that I would not be broken.  I learned that I could pick myself up and carry on.

I learned that I was resilient.  I learned that my faith would truly carry me through one of the hardest times of my life.  I learned to trust that everything happens for a reason.  I learned that I would never, ever be given more than I could handle.


I learned that there is never such thing as coincidence.  I learned that I am put where I am supposed to be right when I'm supposed to be there.  I learned that I have emotional strength I never dreamed I had.  I learned to speak with my heart.  I learned that there is much to learn in every situation.  I learned to believe in angels because I met one that day.

September is a time for renewal.  Heck with New Year's resolutions.  I make September resolutions.  I'm kind of like the leaves.  I'm getting set to turn in.  To get rid of the old, the weak and the worn.  I'm re-energizing.  Setting new goals.  Opening my mind to new possibilities.  Meditating on where I want to be when spring comes.  When there is new life...new life in me.

Love the one you're with. 

Be alright

Life can be strange
Moving fast 
Through the light
Eyes closed tight

Then winding
Turning
Over
And through

A maze with periods of darkness
Feeling our way
Eyes now wide open
Straining
Feeling - with our hands and our hearts

Sweet reprieve
A hand on our shoulder
Arms tight in an embrace
Hanging on
Trusting
Knowing everything will be alright

Evolution of sorts

Boy, it's been a while since I graced my fans with an appearance.  Soooooo kidding.  Seriously, it has been a while since I felt inclined to put fingers to the computer keyboard.  Guess I haven't felt overly inspired.  I've felt content in my place in the world.  And I still do, however, my place in the world has shifted slightly over the past two months.  Where I'm usually a mom, partner, daughter, friend, co-worker; I have been a course mate, roommate, maybe a friend.  I have been living with people who were once strangers.  We quickly become family, with all the good and bad aspects.

Having a degree in psychology and sociology always makes these situations interesting. :)  Sometimes it's funny interesting.  Sometimes it's angry interesting.  Sometimes it's frustrating interesting.  Sometimes it's upsetting interesting.  The common denominator is its always interesting.  For me, it's interesting how I react to all the scenarios; all the challenges, the dynamics.  I am always game to learn about myself.  I will forever be a work in progress.

We are all a work in progress.  Sometimes people forget that.  They go looking for perfection in themselves and in others.  There is no perfection.  There never will be.  You will be sorely disappointed if you go looking for it in yourself and you certainly shouldn’t rely on finding it in others.  What others will do is act as a conduit to discovery.  I know that sounds a bit gay but it’s the truth.  I have no doubt in my mind; every person that has come into my life has been to teach me something about myself.  To teach me what I want and what I need out of life and more importantly to teach me what I don’t want or need.

It's hard to be on the receiving end of someone's discovery session.  But remember as they are evolving and working through this crazy little thing called life, so are you.  There is never a bad experience.  There are unfortunate situations that don't always end the way we want them to but they're not bad.  They are only bad if we choose to take nothing from them.  I used to choose to take the latter root.  Always thinking I was dealt the shitty hand then I had a revolution one day.  Actually, I had a really great person give me a wake-up call and I consciously chose to see things differently.  I felt and still feel so strongly about it, I got the word "Forgive" tattooed on my wrist.  I look at that every day and think of the shit I have been through.  Then I think of those I have forgiven and those who have forgiven me and I am grateful.  Without them I would never feel as blessed as I do.  I would never have evolved into the person I am today.

There are lessons in everything.  Always.

Love the one you're with.

Be Amazing

Every day is a gift.  A chance to do something amazing.  Your health and all that it takes to be healthy should be your daily gift to you.

This past week a hotel room was my home.  In the past I would pack the necessities and away I would go.  This time, I planned ahead!  Protein bars.  Fruit.  4L of water.  My pre-workout supplement.  Vitamins.  Blue Menu meals and soups (get them at Superstore).  Of course my sneakers and lots of gym clothes.

The hotel gym was actually really good.  I did a little improvising with the universal gym system they had there but all-in-all I had success.  The two nights I couldn't get to the gym because of meetings, I did some exercises in my room.  Situps, pushups, dips, curls with that 4L of water (it was my kettle ball LOL), squats, planks, v-sit, jumping jacks, burpees, mountain climbers.....  That got my mojo going and made it much easier to sit in a training room all day.

As I head down this road of amazingness (insert hilarious laughter here) I am really finding it difficult to come up with an excuse not to be active.  There is no reason a person can't take ten minutes three times a day to get their mojo going.  There is no reason not to drink lots of water.  There is no reason to not eat healthy and be satisfied.

As Eminem said,

"You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo..."

Your health is part of the package.  Part of being loving, kind, caring, compassionate, empathetic.  When you are healthy, whole and happy, you can be all you need to be for yourself and for others.

So be amazing today!  And tomorrow and the day after that.  What are you going to do to ensure you have an amazing day??

Love the one you're with!  XO 

commitment

promise

engagement

pledge


vow

word

The first five words that popped in my mind when I thought of the word commitment.

We all have commitments to family, friends, employment, tasks but the most important commitment should be to ourselves.  It took me a VERY long time to get to that place.  I'm like my Mama; feeling like I need to look after everyone else, namely my Sweet pea.  And obviously I have to look after my baby, she's my life, my responsibility, my everything.  BUT in order to look after her fully and completely, I have to be whole.  To be whole I have to go to the gym, soak in the tub once in a while, go dancing with the girls, read a book, go for a walk alone, listen to music, write, volunteer.

I think being the primary parent for the past four years, I feel guilt.  I think even in situations where there are two parents, there is the feeling that we need to spend as much time with our kids as possible.  That is true, to an extent.  Yes, with the busy lives we lead, we have to seize all the time we can with them.  However, that 60 minutes you took to go to the gym while they visited with Nanny and Grampie or that evening you had dinner with friends and they stayed with Daddy is okay.  And it teaches them so much.  More than you could ever know.

From my side of the fence, I have a daughter who sees me reading and writing and she appreciates taking time for herself to do the same.  She sees Mom looking after her health and she wants to learn and do the same (Scholastic has a great yoga DVD for young people).  She appreciates a soak in the bubbles as much as I do.  She goes to the SPCA with me and gives her time and she sees Mommy helping in army.  None of this would happen if I didn't take that little bit of me time.  If I didn't make that commitment to myself.  If I didn't work to make my self whole.  And never mind that it's teaching her to be imaginative, innovative, independent, responsible, caring, compassionate, empathetic...

There is no perfection.  This is only my opinion.  What I live day-to-day.  In my little piece of the world, this works.

Love the one you're with.  XO

Monthly check in

Keeping track of my grub this whole week.  Doing okay.  Definitely upped my fruit and veggies.  Way down on my starchy carbs and walking the protein to me.  I WANT MUSCLE so I make sure I feed them.  haha

So the scoop...

I am currently at 138 pounds.  Yup, up 5 pounds since last check in a month ago.  BUT, my waist is down 1.5cm as are my hips.  Thighs are down a half a cm.  Arms and calves up 1cm.  All that lifting is paying off maybe.  AND I am doing cardio each and every workout.  That's a big deal for me (I hate cardio...may have mentioned that a few times).  Oh and my chest is up too.  That would be my latissimus dorsi, not my boobs.  Those things are far from up.  SIGH!!!

My favorite thing right now....stewed rubarb with vanilla greek yogurt.  The zip of the rubarb with the sweetness of the yogurt.  FABULOUS!!  And I can see me putting it in my clean bumbleberry crisp.  Getting excited now.  haha

So that's the deal with the exercise, food, all that good stuff.  Just counting down the days until school is done and I get one full week with my Sweet pea.  Not sure what we'll do but I want to have a super fun week with her.

Off to put up lunches.  That is a love-hate thing.

Happy Monday!!

Love the one you're with!!  XO

Real Food Connections

I went!

It was awesome!!

Here are the goodies I purchased!!!

Lime Tortilla Chips from Covered Bridge Chips in Hartland

Smokies - lean pork with applewood smoked ham and bacon from SpringBrook Farm in Rexton

Goats Milk Feta from Fromagerie fond au des bois in Rexton

Multi-Grain Baking Mix from Speerville Flour Mill in Speerville

Pure Cranberry Juice from Springbrook Cranberry in Tracy

Gram's Raisin Bread from Soleil Bakery

Peanut butter from Jolly Farmer

I hope I have all that right!!  You really should stop by if you can or at least check them out...  Real Food Connections

Now I have to go decide what I want first!

Love the one you're with!!  XO

It IS Saturday

And I am loving it.  I love going to the farmer's market here.  I can always find such good stuff.  I get my usual; eggs from Goodine's, some super good jalapeno cheddar cheese (yummy in with my eggs), a little loaf of spelt bread, veggies like it's nobody's business and a little treat of some sort...maybe those roasted pecans.

I try my best to shop local.  One place I really want to visit soon is  Real Food Connections.  

"Real Foods are about more than any one fad, diet, movement or belief. It’s not embodied by one single author, book, movie or expert. There are no defined diets and the rules aren’t set in stone. Real Foods is about continuing education, and about looking at the past as well as the future while deciding what to eat."

They have a store.  You can order a box of goodies online!  They have a wonderful website (see above) with lots of great information.


Come to think of it...today might be the day...I think I'll head there after market.  Will let you know how I make out.  :)


Until next time...


Love the one you're with!  XO

We all have those days...

...I've had two.  Just not feeling 100% the last couple of days.  Belly all out of sorts.  Mind a little out of sorts too.  I think I needed to get back to my meditation routine.  I used to meditate every night.  Have these cool cards that give me something positive to focus on...so that me mind isn't going 100 miles a minute.  Gives me that chance to focus and regain perspective.

Tonight...my card...

RELAX - EVERYTHING IS OKAY

How appropriate!!!

It tells me, "Enjoy watching your life story unfold in an amazing way.  Life works itself out in ways that we never thought possible.  Your current situation will soon be over and you'll be just fine.you'll learn life lessons that will help you in your future.  So use this as a time to get stronger.  Breathe deeply, try your best to stay positive and just be happy because everything is going to be okay."

So simple yet so true.  I have so much to be grateful for; even in the challenging times.  I do trust that all will work out in the end.  Just need to make my way over this bit of a hurdle.  Of course, will do it all with a little help from my friends.  And a kick ass run on the treadmill.  ;)

Happy weekend.

Love the one you're with!  XO

One of the dangers...

One of the things about working out; you lose your boobies.  I'm not complaining except to say, now I need to go get some new bras.  HAHAHA

 

What a beauty day...

...too nice to let the people rain clouds in.  That's what I think I'll call them.  People rain clouds.  The ones who no matter what have to rain down and make everything an inconvenient mess.  I have a couple of those rain cloud people in my life.  Frankly, they're selfish assholes but it's a nice day so I'm keeping positive thoughts.  hehehe

A big part of physical health is mental health.  If you don't have good mental health then your body will suffer physically.  My reprieve; my wonderful family, my amazing friends, humour, writing, reading, the gym, meditation, stretching.  All of these things are easy except for the people-related stuff.  Always a chore to manage the folks.  But it's mind over matter and if I don't matter to them then I'm going to pay them no mind.  Made that up myself.  Lame, I know.

So get out for a walk.  Read a book.  Snuggle your love muffins.  Do whatever it takes to get that smile on your face.  Happy Saturday!!

Love the one you're with!  XO

A Little Hump Day Humour

Love your colors

{HEART} your colors!!

More than just vitamins and minerals in those fruits and veggies.  We want those phytochemicals that come from plants...along with the hundreds of other substances that are beneficial to our human bods.  All those disease preventers come in nice little packages.

That white family of goodies (cauliflower, mushrooms, white beans, onions, garlic, parsnips, shallots, turnips, ginger, bananas, pears) have a ton of good chemicals in them, DNA defenders and stuff that breaks down cancer-causing compounds.

Some of the most powerful antioxidant foods are in the purple/red family.  Berries, especially blueberries are the bomb!!!  Tomatoes, spaghetti sauce, tomato juice,
tomato soup, red peppers, red onions, beets, red cabbage, kidney beans, apples, pink grapefruit, red grapes, strawberries, cherries, watermelon, raspberries, cranberries,
pomegranates, eggplant, purple grapes, plums, raisins, blueberries, blackberries, purple
figs, dried plums, black currents are all good too!!

The yellow/orange family is rich in vitamin C and contains carotenes and flavanoids, another group of antioxidants which help our immune systems.  They help improve communication between cells as well as doing many of the same functions as other antioxidants.  Some good ones:  Carrots, summer squash, corn, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, pumpkin, yellow peppers, rutabagas, cantaloupe, grapefruit, lemons,
nectarines, oranges, peaches, pineapples, tangerines, apricots, mangoes, papayas.

There are lots of green vegetables!  The dark green leafy vegetables are rich in lutein, among other phytochemicals.  Leafy greens, asparagus, green peppers, broccoli, green beans, peas, cabbage, green onion, brussels sprouts, okra, zucchini, Chinese cabbage, green apples, green grapes, honeydew melon, kiwifruit, limes are some good greens.

 

A great website is http://www.fruitsandveggiesmatter.gov/

So eat your colors. Reap the benefits.

Love the one you're with!!  X

 

A hot guy named Gym

There is NOTHING cute about me after a workout.  I DO NOT do my hair or makeup to go to the gym.  I laugh out loud at those who do.  It's the gym people.  And while you're at it, wear a good bra.  Too much tit the other day.  Goodness.  The woman was a mess of boobs everywhere.  *sigh*

Made it to the gym five times last week.  Always good to have that recovery time in there.  Body needs it.  You really can overwork yourself.  People who do seven days a week may be counter-productive.

So I'll just run you through my last workout.  May be of interest, maybe not....

20 minutes on the stairclimber.  That big one that sits in the corner lookin' like a mini staircase.  Goodness...should have seen me on that thing at first.  The stairs move down slowly as you type in what you want to do, your weight, time, etc.  First time on it, I have to read everything, follow the menu.  Doing this I notice I am going d-o-w-n.  Anyway, got it figured out.  Did 74 flights of stairs in those 20 minutes.  Sweating like a PIG!  Sight to be seen.

Off I go to do some multi-hip thingys.  Me, I do free weights.  So I'm trying to do this on the machine because it's for legs and sometimes a machine is most effective for the legs.  Well, I looked like a monkey hanging off this thing but managed to do 2 sets of 15 with 60 pounds.  It wasn't pretty but I felt the muscle I was supposed to be working so I guess that's a plus.

Leg extensions. Two sets of 12 with 50 pounds.  Those bastards are hard for me but I got it done.  Grunting every so quietly under my breath.  I never want to be a grunter.  Ick.

Leg press.  Started light because of my shitty knee.  12 reps with 90 pounds, then 20 reps with 130 pounds then 20 reps with 140 pounds.

Calves.  Single leg standing.  I always have to hold onto something when I do these; otherwise I would fall over with a very ungraceful thud.  12 reps with 22.5 pounds and then 12 reps with 25 pounds.  Always feels like I'm going to get a cramp in my butt cheek when I do those.  hehehe

Deadlifts.  I do them standing on a box so I can get full extension right to the floor.  I also tend to do them with dumbbells instead of a barbell.  Did a couple sets of 25 with 50 pounds.

50 full situps

Sat in a "V" sit with an 8 pound medicine ball and went side-to-side to do my obliques.  30 of those puppies.

20 leg raises on the machine...to make sure I didn't cheat, my honey held his hand at his chest and I had to lift that high.

Plank for 2 minutes 20 seconds.  After which I fell into a puddle on the mats.

Threw in some arms....upward cable curl for my biceps 45 pounds is what I maxed out at.  60 pounds for pulldowns (triceps) and 20 pounds for the shoulder press.  I went to exhaustion on all those.  Meaning I went until I couldn't do anymore.  A little light on the shoulders but I hurt one the other day reaching into the backseat of the car if you can imagine....  Had to baby it.

So that's one of my workouts.  Some may be shorter depending on how much time I have.  Some days I do all lower body.  Some days all upper body.  Always a certain amount of core.  And now, always cardio....for more than my usual 5 minutes.

Hope this was at least mildly interesting.

Love the one you're with!  XO

Had to do it

I'm one week out from recording my numbers for my monthly goal.  Had to do it now though.  I like to see if the work I am doing is making a difference.  So here goes...

29 April
133 lbs

76cm waist
97.5cm hip
58cm thigh
26.7% body fat (that's the number I watch, not the pounds)

13 May
134 lbs

75cm waist
97cm hips
57cm thigh
24.9% body fat

So my synopsis on all this.

Pounds -  Sure I wouldn't mind being less on the pounds side of things but I lift heavy weights, low reps.  I look to gain mass, not tone.  That's why I say the body fat percentage is more important to me.



I would really like the waist and hip measurements to come down more.  Not overly concerned about the thigh because I don't have the jiggle I had before.  I know doing all those damn stairs and squats are firming things up.  But the core, I work that like a bastard but I need to keep up on the cardio.  I am sub-par on that.  One of my goals is to do more cardio and I'm making huge leaps for me but there is more work to be done there for sure.

So, will be interesting to see where I am in a week.  Been journalling what goes in my mouth everyday.  Friday was a cheat day for sure.  Or should I say I had a real good cheat meal Friday.  Steak and potatoes.  Don't do potatoes often but man...yummy.  Have to have the cheats once in a while.  If I didn't, I'd be bumping behind that wagon again.

Progress.  It is a beautiful thing.

Love the one you're with!  XO