The title for this is...I couldn't think of a proper title

A couple more days and I’m having my picture taken by a professional photographer. An artist really. Her photographs conjure up a lot of emotion in me. Happiness. A giggle. Teary eyes. That’s why I picked her. :) These were the pictures that were going to take place in June and then I forgot about going to Halifax to run a 5K. How I forgot that, I have no idea. I don’t run. I can ruck 13 Km but no running. Anyway…the photographs… And then I rescheduled again because I invested in a personal trainer for July (and subsequently August) so I thought, “why the heck would I take pics of my body and then spend a crazy amount of time, effort and money on a trainer and not capture THAT body?!!”

So. Wednesday. I’m very excited. Probably almost ridiculously. Changed up the diet. Changed up the exercise routine. Hair. Makeup. Tan. I’ve put a lot into what will be a one hour shoot... Because I’m worth it. I get kind of teary looking at those words right there.

I’m worth it.

Not long ago, that wouldn't have been something I would have said. I mean I had some shitty times when I was younger. Blah. Blah. Blah. That’s all part of growing up. I put the work into making my way to the top of my mountain, was doing well and…down I went. Only part way down but down just the same. I knew full well it was silly to allow myself to feel shitty about myself because of the actions of other. My brain knew it but the connection wasn't making it to my heart.

As I know, I can’t change someone else’s actions but I can change my reaction to their actions. So...investment in personal training. Investment in becoming Reiki level two certified. Body. Mind.

Since doing this, I have done a 180. I don’t even really know the person I was even just a short time ago. I know enough to take my lessons with me. I know enough to know that, back there in time, that is not who I am. This is who I am. I’m a freakin’ awesome Mom who loves her baby girl more than anything in the world. I’m a good daughter who loves and respects her parents. I’m a loyal and caring friend.  I’m a hard worker. I’m dedicated. I have integrity. I’m smart. I’m healthy. I’m happy. I'm grateful. And no, I don't live with perpetual sunshine up my ass. I have shitty days. I get bitchy. I have my moments. That's the key, they are moments. I don't live submersed in the crap anymore. Soooooo not worth wallowing in. Makes you stinky. Who wants to be around a stinky person? ;)

“So who are you doing these pictures for?”

"Me!!" :)

So. The artist. I hope I don't offend her when I call her that.... I have such huge respect for true photographers. I say true because hell, anyone can snap a picture. It takes an artist's eye to really capture a moment. Her name is Kandise Brown. Please check out her work. Whew...it's something else.